Feels So Good Feeling Good Again......

After a year without a pancreatic attack, the inevitable happened. In the wee hours of Monday morning I awoke to that all familiar nausea and pain in my upper abdomen, but this time it was so intense it woke me up gnawing at me so bad and radiating to my right shoulder blade. The telltale sign that the worse was yet to come. Now I'm an old hand at this stuff, heck I should be its been 10 years of attacks everyone the same never wavering. My routine is to go from the hot tub to a hot shower, swallowing my meds and praying that they kick in. But if I continue to go from hot tub to the shower a few times, holding my bucket in between, then George waits for the words he knows I hate to say, "We gotta go to the ER." Before August 23, 2007 I have said that to George over 125 times, and I have the hospital bands to prove it. Why in the heck do I keep'em? I consider them battle medals.

So calls are made and my Mother in Law leaves work at the drop of a hat to get to our house. I'm thinking in my mind, here we go again, it was a good run for a while, wasn't it? I sure was lucky to have a great pregnancy with AnnaBelle since Nathan's was so rough on me. The thought of leaving them hurts more than my pancreas pain now. Nathan is old hand at this, he grew up with me in the hospital . Before he was 5 months old he had already stayed with my Mom and Mother in Law 4 times. Yes I was in every month. I would go home for two weeks, have an attack and stay in a week. Nathan learned to adjust and go with the flow.

AnnaBelle is new to this. She has seen me not feel well some days, but I have never been away from her longer than 5 hours since she was born. We have been frick and frack. I left knowing that I would experience that awful feeling when I returned that she would shy away from me. Maybe its just me, but as a Mom its one of the worst feelings in the world.

I spent 5 days in the local hospital and returned this evening. George left me my truck so I could drive home, yes that's how adept I am to this illness. I can discharge myself and drive on home. I arrived to Nathan running out to hug me, grinning from ear to ear, and me with tears rolling down my face. I picked him up and we walked inside and then it happened. AnnaBelle looked at me with confusion and ran to her Daddy. Granted I'm sure I didn't look my best, hospital toiletries are not the greatest but they serve their purpose. It took about 20 minutes and then I called her "doodlebug" and she ran to me and clapped. My heart melted. Before I put her to bed tonight she laid her head on my shoulder and all was right with the world.

Now that Nathan is getting older his questions are becoming more intense. "Mommy, why do you get sick and are you sick like Nanny was and why did she have to go to Heaven and are you going to Heaven?" Geez........where do I start? I tell him that me and Nanny had different sicknesses and because there are so many the Dr's can help me when I get sick but in Nanny's case the Cancer (Mesothelioma) she had could not be fixed and God wanted her to help him in Heaven. He tells me that Jesus went to Heaven after he left that tomb to live with God. I tell you what the (what I consider a bargain) amount of money I pay for his Methodist Preschool is worth every penny and more. Mrs. C. I love you so much for doing such a good job with him.

So I'm home now and with a deeper appreciation of family. Those that take their own work time to help out , those that come to the ER to make sure you're ok, the ones that call and check in and to the Daddy and Grandma who got to bond with the kids.